I must admit that this life comes with a lot of surprises. I can only hope that my ex realizes and learns from the mistake he made in letting me go. I realize I rambled a bit and may not have answered all your questions; feel free to ask anything else you want to know.
I understand your internal conflict completely and my heart goes out to you. By those standards, I was a failure, my husband wasn't "good enough" - and my daughter had ambitious real goals that required a lot of time and effort. I love my husband so much, but 40 years of loneliness has been more than difficult. By Thursday, I'd feel like he disappeared. I love him more than anything, but lately, the lack of real time together and the stress of his work impacting how I am made to feel like I'm on eggshells when we do get together almost seems like to much to bear. He's not home much and his hours are crazy but, wow, I am one happy woman. I have to say that reading this is exactly what I needed today. He is not willing to cut back on hours or ever get off of his career track. I was actually just talking to my husband about that the other day, at first he said that it depressed him when I said that, but really, it helps. I know a guy who had a hobby of corrupting Mormon girls he was abused by his TBM parentsand I'm told you're both right.
Up to this point, she has just assumed that all atheists are innately evil people. Maybe we'll break up in a month. She is considered "an old maid" by Mormon standards, so she may be willing to marry you--hoping you will convert someday --but she will constantly be reminded that your marriage is inferior to the "Eternal Families" of sealed Mormons, and she will fear dying and never seeing her loved ones again. But God works in mysterious ways. And the nonmember spouse may just put pressure on the member spouse to spend more time with them.
It's not fair to put words in her mouth and thoughts in her brain like this. Eventually you will get engaged and married and have babies and buy a house together. One night he mentioned to me that we could just stay in hotels and travel the world while he did surgeries. Do not expect anything long term. Well, you won't be getting into anything soon. Let them see the good in you, and believe that their son or daughter has found a good match. God knows the big picture. We started to communicate our needs more clearly, rather than tiptoeing, and we started to compromise. If you really like this girl, might want to show her this.